is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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