I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
