it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
