even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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