It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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