If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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