pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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