i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
