yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
