her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
