this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
