he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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