Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He? As in you personified your dick?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
