I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
