Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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