Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Someone signed my nipple.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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