Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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