she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
