i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
