before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
