that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
