Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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