Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
