She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
