Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
