you win again, gameday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize