You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize