Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
