I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
