my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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