I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
