I feel like abortions should bother me more
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
