I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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