I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
