don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
