you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
