Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Who put my cat in the fridge?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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