He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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