Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
