best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like a drive thru vagina
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
