Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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