What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
