Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize