I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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