I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
