I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
