just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize