They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
