its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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