Do you still have your period?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You're like the curious george of whores
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
