Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
