I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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