and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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