Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
