Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
