she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
