Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
