Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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