I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
