Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
