Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
