he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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