Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
