Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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