the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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