Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
