i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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