Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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