I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
