Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
