I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Found your dick twin last night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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