Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
