I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
