Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
