Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
