i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
