I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
