"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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