let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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