turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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