oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
