I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
