it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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