he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
