I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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