conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Farmville is her only friend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
