i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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