And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
