"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize