I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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