his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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