Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I heard we made out
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You dont lie about slip and slides
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
