sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
