As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
